Awkward Boners: The Nuisance We Can’t Ignore

Raise your hand if you’ve been sitting at your desk at work and all of sudden you got a boner. Snap your fingers if you were just washing the dishes and Little Joe decided to become Big Joe. I don’t think a dishwashing fetish exists and it’s not like you were looking at porn at work — at least I hope you weren’t. Hopefully, you were just sitting there, doing your job and going about your day.

…But then that awkward boner decided to creep into your life and secretly ruin your day.

You never know how long awkward boners are going to last. Personally, I’ve started singing my ABC’s and thinking about dead animals to make them go away. Sometimes it works, other times…not so much.

You can’t focus on your tasks because of how uncomfortable you are. You squirm and adjust yourself but nothing seems to work. In the back of your head, you are hoping that no one is noticing your movements. You really want to go to the bathroom and possibly do something about it but the risk of everyone seeing the bulge in your pants is high. What would your co-workers think? Would your roommates understand the situation?

The entire time you’re distracted, you are still wondering why. Why did this happen to you? Why did it happen at this very moment? What triggered it? Am I a freak? You will probably never get the answers to any of those questions. When your mental freakout is over, your boner is gone!

You realize that it has only been five minutes. It felt like 20 minutes of needless torture.

Your paranoia definitely got the best of you. What a waste of time and energy.

Now let’s take a moment to learn something from that experience. There is no reason to fret over awkward boners. They are just a part of life. One of those many things that will never be explained. Let it happen and it will be over before you know it. Don’t try to hide it because that will only draw attention to it. I can guarantee you that your crotch is not the center of anyone’s world.

But if you start to get a boner while looking at some NSFW content, you are on your own…



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