Disappointment On New Years Eve: An Autobiography

There are many ways to describe the souls of New York City dwellers on New Years Eve. Some are jolted by excitement as they prance to and from their destinations, while others are visibly shaken with disappointment and chagrin. Some are just tired. And then – then there are the rare few who feel it all.

For those who feel it all, in the city that never sleeps, New Years Eve is a perplexing night – one that lulls you into bed with false fulfilling promises and hopes for the New Year. It’s a night that lies to you, just like an ill-fated lover. The cold evening washes away imprints of tears and dust from your skin and bones, but it’s only to prepare you for what’s to come once the clock strikes 12.

For those who feel it all, New Years Eve in New York City clouds your judgments with thick fogs of cold air and drunken haziness. The ball drops along with every tequila and whiskey shot you take, and suddenly, you don’t know where you are – though you do optimistically imagine where you’ll be come the same time next year. Wishes dart to the brain like rushes of adrenaline: “In 2015, I’ll be braver; I’ll be stable; I’ll be more grown up; I’ll be happier.

Yet, for those who feel it all, the night isn’t entirely bleak. To welcome the New Year, means that you are alive – perhaps not well, but alive nonetheless. It’s a turn of the page that seems promising, and with reason: While it is not technically a new beginning, it is, indeed, a new day. (Clichés are in for 2015.) And with each and every new day, comes a sunrise that brings forth a ripe sense of possibility – one that looms over you like a full October moon in the night sky.

And perhaps that is what New Years Eve is for those who feel it all: a moon. The night of the 31st becomes a natural satellite, simultaneously tuning in and out your desires and fears. Like the moon, New Years Eve is a shape-shifter that shows its large face cloaked in many shades of wonder and unease, as it morphs to try and become the icon you want it to be; never living up to its name, but all the while, still illuminating you with insurmountable beauty and marvel.