Will I Be Okay?

I just got back in my hotel room after a long late-night walk around Yau Ma Tei. That night was hotter than usual, so I hurried to take a cold shower. When I was all freshened up and tucked tightly in bed, my phone pinged. I got quite excited. In spite of being secure and happy in my being alone on this Hong Kong trip, every night, I looked forward to chatting with family and friends when I would finally retire back to my hotel room.

I crawled from under my comfy sheets and reached for my phone. I frowned as I saw who the message was from. I didn’t want to hear from this person. A time ago, in my mind, I already let go of this person. I already let go of what we had and what more we could have had. I was hurt by this person. My heart got wasted for a time. My phone pinged again. Then, again. Ah, such persistence – quite admirable, actually.

I didn’t respond to the multiple messages. I couldn’t anymore. I turned my phone off. I turned the lights off. I parted the curtains and looked at the skyline outside my window. I sighed, closed my eyes and prayed. I have moved on from this a long time ago, but I couldn’t help but feel sorrowful for that season of wasted time, for that wasted investment. I asked myself, “Will I be okay?”

Days turned into weeks that turned into months, and before I knew it, a new year was upon us. I welcomed the new year with much strength and clarity. I didn’t bring along any of the residual bitterness I had from the pain I had to go through the past year. I welcomed healing. I let forgiveness take root in me and grow wildly. My heart was made whole again. Broken relationships I didn’t expect would get a do-over were given a clean slate and a chance to regrow organically.

I didn’t quite expect things to turn out this way. If this happened six years ago, I would have responded differently. I might not have considered giving anybody who hurt me a second chance. I might have still had questions that remained unanswered.

Now, I have an answer to that question I had by the window sill of my hotel room one late night in Hong Kong – “I’m okay. I’m more than okay.”