We have all seen or heard about the horrors of pregnancy. I’m sure your pregnant girlfriend or sister has given you enough examples to fully traumatize. The nausea, mood swings, tenderness, and constant urination are odd symptoms that you will probably never forget hearing about.
The entire world is accustomed to only women getting pregnant. It is the natural norm. However, what if things were different? What if men could produce babies? What would that look like? How would that change our outlook on masculinity and femininity? Without getting too serious on the topic–because it will obviously never happen in nature–here is the ridiculousness that would occur if men could get pregnant:
Tears, Tears, More Tears, and Maybe Some Anger
Men, in most cases, don’t typically show their emotions. It’s not a “manly” thing to do. Who knows why, but they don’t. Let’s throw that notion out of the window. All of sudden, your pregnant boyfriend is crying because you ate the rest of the Fruity Pebbles. Then, he bawls his eyes out at the movies. He yells at you for not answering your phone. Next, he wants to cuddle and watch a movie. What the f*ck! That is what you are thinking. Your pregnant boyfriend has just been classified as crazy. This is when you contemplate whether you want to leave and make your boyfriend a single dad.
Wings, Steaks, Burgers, and Whatever Else He Can Fit In His Belly
I am sure pregnant guys would run with the “I’m eating for two” excuse. Guys eat way more than they need to already. Can you imagine them with the eating habits of a pregnant woman? When those hormonal cravings kick in, who knows what your pregnant guy will get his hands on. After the pregnancy is all said and done, your boyfriend will definitely be rocking the dad bod.
The Exit
The big question that everyone is afraid to ask. Where would the baby come out of in men could get pregnant? If we think in terms of today’s modern science, a c-section is a possibility. But since we are in a non-realistic world, let’s say the baby comes out the anus…On second thought, that would probably cause some serious damage, so erase that image from your memory. We’ll assume that in this alternate reality, science has evolved beyond what it is now and there is a painless, sensible way for the baby to make its exit.
So. The ridiculousness that would occur if men could get pregnant should never happen. Men were not made to have babies and it should stay that way. Seahorses keep doing you but pregnant males is not for the human race. I’m sending out a huge hug to all the women that have been through the trials and tribulations of pregnancy. If you are really interested in the craziness of male pregnancy, check out The Try Guys in this video.
A little bit of psyche trickery with SensorWake:
