Damn that flight to the Bahamas – you knew you should’ve taken a boat instead. Your 6am trip might have been too much to handle for your pilot – his slurred speech over the P.A. system, indicative of a late night adventure, should’ve been your first warning. The rocky turbulence, which you selectively decided to ignore, should’ve been the second.
Now you’re on a deserted island – not exactly the type of vacation you were hoping for, especially when your definition of adventure is dipping your toes in water that’s slightly too cold. Hm, adventure – maybe it’s time to rewrite that definition. Hopefully, your extended stay on this island will be just like an episode of Gilligan’s Island. Except you’re alone. You’ve traveled around the world before; it’s time to harness the best of your survival skills:
1. Remain calm
The worst thing to do after booking a flight with a drunken pilot, is freaking out after the drunken pilot haphazardly crashes the plane. Remain calm so that you can think clearly and examine your surrounding area for any safety precautions.
Once you’ve got a good gauge of your location, find water. Food is a secondary concern, since you can survive for weeks without it. If you have a container to boil water in, any natural water source is good (no ocean water). If no natural water source can be found, you might as well give up now…
Just kidding. Find a way to collect rainwater – and if all else fails, drink your urine as a last resort (not kidding this time).
Now you get to construct your very own beach hut – just like in your island daydreams. Make sure your shelter can protect you from animals and natural elements, like rain. It’s also good to have a shelter above ground so that bugs don’t crawl on you while you’re sleeping.
4. Find Food
Try making a fishing rod out of sticks and vines. You can use worms on the island as bait. If this doesn’t work, the best source of protein is the bait itself! Bugs are considered a delicacy in some countries, you know? You can also forage for food, but be careful for poisonous plants and berries.
5. Start a Fire
Fire is necessary for distilling your water, cooking any food and for warmth. It is also a way for you to be seen by any potential rescuers.
6. Be Rescued
Congratulations, you’ve taken all the necessary precautions to ensure your survival up to this point. Now it’s time to finally get off the island. Try building a large figure out of rocks that can be seen by passing ships or airplanes. You can also make a large fire so that the smoke can be seen from a distance.
Follow these tips, and you might just make it off the island alive. I know you miss your green apple martinis served in coconuts.