Science has finally proven itself useful. Quantum physics? Irrelevant. Evolution? Juvenile. Space exploration? A waste of time. Until now, there has been little use for that witchcraft ju-ju. Thankfully, scientists have taken their big heads out of their even bigger books to release some worthy information. Hitler had a micropenis. That’s right. Rejoice all of you modestly gifted men. Now you can run your very own dictatorship.
WE DID NAZI THIS COMING: HITLER CAUSED BIG FUSS WITH SMALL PENIS
They call it hypospadias. Sounds pretty cool, but really it just means you have a small penis. Hitler had hypospadias, and perhaps it was the route of his anger (or inspiration), however, you want to look at it. Hitler was a vile man. A ruthless killer. Pure evil in the guise of a man. Yet, to think that he actually had to pee from a hole at the base of a shaft instead of the tip brings humor to this whole scenario. That last part is true by the way. In scientific terms, it means the urethra opens up on the bottom side of the penis. It will be talked about in a new book about Hitler’s micropenis. Yes, they’re making a book about that.
WORLDS MOST EVIL DICTATOR ONLY HAD ONE TESTICLE
These headlines kind or write themselves don’t they? Not only did the great leader have a small trunk, but he was missing half his junk. Medical records show Hitler had but one descended testicle. For those jealous of such a fate, fear not. Apparently, there is a 1 in 200 chance of getting hypospadias. The odds aren’t great, but the possibility for your newly born to become a dictator is certainly there. Among crippling racism and psychotic behaviour, the side effects of hypospadias cause sexual difficulties later in life. Surprise.
DON’T LET A SMALL PENIS HOLD YOU BACK
I’m not saying we should forgive the guy who caused the Holocaust. Far from it. He’s a jerk. What I am saying is, let his downfall serve as a lesson. While his accomplishments were the worst events that have every happened to mankind, the guy had some bodily errors. That didn’t stop him, and that shouldn’t stop you. That’s enough groundbreaking journalism for one day.
